footprints in the sand
her toes digging deeper
where he kissed her
--John McDonald, Scotland
The romance celebrated in this haiku, is not without its impressions of passion and intensity; to such a degree in a three line poem, within the constraints of seventeen syllables; incredible. Line two, presents a remarkable scenario; of this happening and structurally, it works as a well placed pivot. This is the stuff that most editors crave for their haiku journals. It conforms to well understood haiku standards, but is by no means boring. On the contrary, this delightful piece, is all show, not just narrative. Look there it is, as we savor, as they did, that moment, capsuled in the sand. Its by no means a frieze however, we do pick up the nuances of differing heights of the personnae, and as well, there is enough subtle movement within for our reading eyes to read and return to read again, absorbed in the use of the 'ing' form of the verb 'digging' with the intruigue of a kire to follower - 'deeper'. To draw us even moreso into the scene.
Three lines and fifteen syllables sketches for us a romantic kiss on the beach sands
Well done John
--gillena cox
coordinator; Caribbean Kigo Kukai
the kigo was sand
Monday, September 19, 2011
sand
Labels:
Caribbean,
commentary,
haiku,
International,
John McDonald,
kukai,
sand,
Scotland,
Trinidad and Tobago
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